Hello, guys! I know most of you are so excited for the upcoming Valentine’s Day this year 2021. Unfortunately, mastering the art of confidence is still hard to achieve even up to this day.
And this is what most women dare to bring off in order to look astonishing in the eyes of a man.
But before anything else, I would like to give you a heads-up that I am not a Love Guru on this field. I just want to help people, so let’s just safely say that I gained countless of lessons from personal experiences; hearing stories from different sets of people; watching televisions and movies; reading books and so much more.
Once combined, it creates a collection of information.
Isn’t that great?
I hope all of you are having a quality time with your loved ones today since this is a Sunday blog post.
So, let’s start!
Featured Image: Pixabay
In this time and age where it is already easy to express feelings, still many of us are having a hard time to get the man of our dreams.
This topic has nothing to do with flirt, blind date, hook-up, and the like. This is something that most women have underestimated and overlooked.
If your utmost intention is to find love; get into a man’s heart; and or maintain a relationship…
Then, the most basic and vital thing to do is self-acceptance.
Accept that we are not a perfect being. We don’t have a perfect body. We don’t have a perfect face. Nor are we perfect for any men.
By majority, men prefer natural beauty over the fake one. But due to the influence of media, women feel that something is wrong with them that needs to be fixed, so they allow themselves to undergo plastic surgery. But this is only for those who can afford to.
In relation to that, a lot of women put a lot of concealers for them to hide all the scars, marks, etc. All unpleasant areas have been kept hidden for as long as they could.
Women try to cover it in the hopes that the probability of an acceptance from a man would be high.
Not only that, they made sure that they are perfectly fit, attractive, and sexy which results them to skip meals and starve themselves to death in fear that if men find out their natural figure, it would be a disappointment to them.
Since women are emotional beings, we often have a lot of insecurities to ourselves.
Without a man in our lives feel like we are incomplete, so for us to prevent that from happening to our lives…
We go out and chase the man that we adore!
And because some women cannot wait any much longer, we even adjust our interests in line with men.
You know, just to get an immediate attention and hopefully, would somehow get the affection women have been longing and dying for.
This is absolutely alarming for they forced themselves to change not for the betterment of one’s being, but only to please a man.
I know, I get the idea of waiting too much. I get the frustration that no other good man might come along, so we’ll only stick to someone whom we barely even know.
It is better to be that way than to be single for the rest of our lives.
The common misconception of most women even in the present time.
It’s like we are still stuck on the 18th century where marriage is kinda big deal to us.
There’s one scene in Pride and Prejudice where a woman immediately accepts the offer of marriage in fear of ending up alone and becoming only a spinster.
She’s already 27, no money and home. She’s becoming ashamed of herself still living with parents. So she asked her friend, Elizabeth not to judge her decision for she doesn’t know what else to do with her life.
Sadly, we still have that feeling of being inadequate.
Men don’t want insecure women around. They want someone who are confident enough to admit that they are not perfect and they are fine with it. They accept it and is using their imperfections to make an awareness to other women that there’s nothing wrong with all our imperfections.
Men want to see someone who is positive and has a healthy way of improving herself rather than feeling that some needs to get fixed!
When you can accept yourself, the more man is capable of loving you.
If you cannot accept yourself, any man would feel that he cannot make you happy and satisfy for the rest of your life.
Men hate a pessimistic one!
Don’t get me wrong, it is normal for us to cry and share all the kinds of drama in life. But let us not forget that men are humans, too. They also need love, affection, and support.
If you tend to speak about yourself all the time and you never allow any man to open up to you, there’s higher probability that this man will find someone who can also listen to his own stories, problems, or whatsoever.
We often assumed that all men are strong and emotionless. Truth is, they only show their true colors to someone they are comfortable with; someone they knew who can also console them.
If you want to have a strong relationship, you should learn to give a man his own spot. Try to ask him about how was his day? Or if you already know that he has been going through something, try to reach out to him and let him know that you are willing to listen whatever that is bothering him.
Assure him that you can be there, maybe not physically present all the time. But mentally you are there and you are a ready to listen to him with an ear of heart. No judgment or any pieces of unsolicited advice. Only give advice when he dare to ask you about something.
A lot of times we thought that giving a man an advice would solve the issue, but it’s not. Not everything will work out for everyone. Just give him space when he asks for it, but please be there when he needed you the most.
But here’s what you need to keep in mind...
Don’t go to any men you know who are already afraid of commitment. That would be a problem and yup, another problem.
Don’t also go near to someone who’s controlling and has no respect to you and to others. Choose only the man you are comfortable with.
Though we are desperately in search for love, doesn’t mean we can do that to all men. Let us not forget that not all men are of the same kind.
I know things really get rough and exhausted, especially these days where we live in a world that the concept of love needs to come with lust first. That’s why some women allow themselves to cohabitate with any man just to prove her love for him and here comes the big fact!
Just because you gave in to him doesn’t necessarily mean that he would do the same for you.
I am not generalizing that all men are like that. But sadly, once they easily get you, there’s higher tendency that most men will become bored to you. You know why?
Because there’s no more thrill in the relationship or whatever connection you have with him. Once men are no longer challenged, they tend to walk away and find new sets of women that are more interesting than you.
So my only advice is…
Never give all your love away. Always keep something for yourself.
I believe that there are still decent men out there who can offer us genuine love and will completely accept us for who and what we really are.
A guy who is willing to join us whenever we need to get rid of something; help us change only what is necessary. However, the right guy will only come to us only if we are also willing to wait for him to arrive.
We may be also forgetting that men think differently than us. That’s a common problem to us, women. We often conclude that if the man or our boyfriend truly loves us, he should know better on what we want in life. Ugh! Nope! Men are not fortune tellers who know what’s gonna happen. So we should better lower our pride and be confident enough in becoming vocal about our desires.
And stop being a nagger like it is always his fault for being clueless.
Men hate women who’s acting like a brat all the time.
That is too much to handle for them. What worst is that, you could provoke him into doing something he is actually not used to.
Spur of the moment action would be like offensive words against you, spanking or yelling. Those actions may have been avoided if you correct your tone of voice, calm down and never provoke him.
So if you want to have a romantic date, then say what your date should look like. Describe the place precisely. What motif do you expect to see?
Something like that would avoid arguments and who knows, by simply maintaining a healthy conversation with him would make this man want you more!
You know why?
Because you were very calm and know exactly what you want. Having that kind of personality is a plus point to a man.
Just to clarify, you are not being demanding. You are just simply suggesting and that’s different. Okay?
Rather than to be disappointed and broken because the date didn’t go according to what you imagine it to be, might as well voice it out before it’s too late. Right?
Two things that are hard to get rid in us are doubts and fears that lead women to assume that we are not loved or even liked by them for they fail to know what we all wanted for a date or for any other meet-ups.
Ladies, if you have something in mind, say it! Don’t pretend that you know nothing about dating, because we do. We really do!
For obvious reason, we are too shy and timid to admit it towards them. However, if the man doesn’t bother or give enough attention to our liking, then he might be not really into us.
If our boyfriend also doesn’t think it seriously, then maybe he doesn’t love or like us the way that we do for them.
That’s sort of an unrequited love.
Because we weren’t given back the same amount of love just like we did for them.
Going back to being transparent with our partner, keep in mind that our request to a man doesn’t have to require so much work or to even cost a lot. We’re only requesting to somehow at least do things in our own terms and not his.
Say for instance, we all want a set of candle lights for our dinner date or a live performance while having a meal with him.
Of course, he still has the freedom to select which place to go, what food to order, and how much money he’s willing to spend for you.
Again, he still has a lot of freedom, but the idea and concept of date came from you.
Always leave something for him and that is the freedom to choose. Letting him to make decisions is a good feeling to any men. Don’t make him feel that he cannot do something for you. Only suggest, but the action must come from him.
Men often love to become a hero to any women. Preventing him to make other decisions is like making him feel that he is not useful to you and you don’t need him at all. Still leave something for him to showcase his skills or talents.
By also letting him do a certain task means that you trust him well enough.
So remember, don’t do all the work. Make him do something to please you.
Do you get now what is the ultimate secret in winning his heart?
That is by simply letting him become a hero to you and be frank when it comes to decision making.
Of course, you also need to be sweet, caring, loving, trustworthy, career driven, family oriented, God fearing, etc. etc. etc. But without these two, it would all be nothing.
‘Cause if you truly want a love to work, there should be a give & take and honesty as well between you and that person to deepen relationship.
Before I forgot, I would like also to point out that by being honest takes courage as well and man wants a brave person; someone who has a fighting spirit and not a drama queen all the time.
If you can talk to him about anything, this man would feel that you valued and trusted him.
That would mean a lot to men.
Apart from what I mentioned, choosing to be honest with your partner means that you are confident and comfortable enough to open-up to him.
Letting him know what we are actually going through is also an open door to help us to be well understood.
So I am praying and hoping everyone to please stop treating men like women who can easily sense what we are going through.
They are not like us, so stop blaming men for their cluelessness.
They are innocent and if we desperately want to earn a man’s love and respect, then we should know and understand that blaming someone isn’t healthy and helpful at all.
You are just shooing them and not letting them to help you out.
Some men become extra careful with their words and actions once they knew something is troubling you and offer you to become your support system whenever you needed to.
So it is also not the man’s duty to love and understand you eternally, but it should be a teamwork!
If you want to keep a man, then help him to understand you as well. There’s no other way to keep the connection going if you are not being so cooperative.
Relationship takes hard work and love is a day to day basis. Just like plant, it dies if it fails to be taken care of.
If all else fails, give yourself and your man some space.
Did you know about the “cave” thing into a man’s life?
I’ve read in one book that if all things got messy, worst or too much to handle, men need to go back to his own cave to be alone. And this is not to show that this man isn’t capable of commitment and love. But this man wants some space to think well. To correct whatever mistakes he has done. And when he finishes it with no interruption, he can now return to you.
So remember, when he needs space…
You need to give it to him. Otherwise, he would get tried trying to understand you all the time and was no longer even sure if he can still commit to a woman who cannot even understand his need to go back to his own cave in the first place.
Men are not expressive, but when they do, it just means that it is already too much to take for them.
But if you allow a man to go to somewhere quiet; his comfort zone (his cave), and you never scold him for allowing him to take a break, the next thing you know, he will come back chasing you, why?
Because you let him to work on himself alone. He misses you and for sure, he will do the same for you. ‘Cause he knows what it feels like to be occupied with so many things that need to find some quiet place to think and calm down for a bit.
This coming Valentine’s Day, may we learn to be understanding and patient with each other. And hopefully, not only for one occasion, but everyday we have to try ’til the very end.
If you want to understand more on how men and women think differently, I suggest that you read the book of John Gray ” Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus “.
If I can recall correctly, this is where I learned the “cave” thing for men. I’ve read it when I was still in college and it is still helpful and relevant today.
If you want to win love, why not give it a try?
After all, we only have one life. So enjoy as much as you can, but please be very careful with whom you want want to spend time with.
Thank you for patiently reading my blog post and though it is still a month ahead, I now want you all to greet a Happy Valentine’s Day in advance!
I hope it would all be special and memorable for all of us.
Also Read: Why This Should Be Your Relationship Goals?
Again, thank you for reading my post and God bless you!
If you were able to read my blog post…
What is your own style or strategy to keep a man?
Feel free to comment below. Again, thank you very much and please do follow my website to keep you posted. God bless!